Julie Bishop went above and beyond in government, now she’s going above and beyond to win the break-up.
The woman stops at nothing. Her efforts to exact revenge on ex-boyfriend David Panton after he dumped her at a restaurant in July are as pronounced as her triceps. And with those well-toned arms, she will squash him. In fact, she already kinda has.
First she banished him from Virgin’s VIP airport lounge by revoking his access to her membership. Then she got a new haircut (classic break-up behaviour). Now, she’s hitting the town with a new babe on her arm.
The former foreign minister has been fuelling headlines by posing with him for photos at events. Who’s the guy?
He goes by the name Luke Hepworth and his website features photos of him doing various extreme sports. He describes himself as an “adventure philanthropist”. The fact that his job sounds made up doesn’t even matter.
He looks like a character from Grey’s Anatomy — maybe a heart surgeon, who’s the long-lost brother of McDreamy. The writers would introduce him for a minor three-episode arc before making him a permanent cast member because he’s so hot.
Despite posing for sizzling red carpet photos, Luke has snuffed out rumours of a fling, telling The Daily Telegraph they’re “definitely not dating”.
“She is just a good friend of mine and a wonderful human, so we have been to a couple of charity events,” he said.
But that doesn’t matter for Julie. Winning a break-up is all about illusion and perception.
Even the most level-headed person in the world wants to win their break-up. The competition is always on to see who will thrive the most in their new life.
“It’s a tale as old as time,” a friend sighed over brunch. “Just like Princess Di and the revenge dress – it’s a thing.”
She was referring to the now-iconic little black dress Princess Diana wore in 1994 when she stepped out to attend a gala at the Serpentine Gallery in London on the same night Prince Charles confessed his infidelity on national TV.
The friend then admitted to frequently inspecting the online dating profile of an ex, just to secretly enjoy the fact he keeps frantically tweaking his bio and pics.
“In my mind, it proves the man can’t get a match,” she declared. “Whereas I’ve never changed my profile – and, therefore, I am the winner. I’m not a petty person – only when it comes to this. It’s a power trip.”
In the weeks and months after a break-up, every move you make can push you ahead in the race to beat your ex.
“Even your behaviour on Instagram,” the friend said. “That first post is important. And going out to social events. It’s a conduct thing. Who has the power? You start living your best life – even when you’d rather be in your PJs eating chicken tenders in front of the telly.”
That’s exactly what the Bish has done. Only, she has managed to score a one-two punch and hit her ex where it really hurts. Not only is she living her best life at fabulous parties, but she has also officially replaced David as her Plus One with the Grey’s Anatomy doctor.
Julie and her new sidekick proudly posed for photos together at this week’s star-studded Moet & Chandon champagne event down at Mrs Macquarie’s Chair. Calvin Harris flew in to DJ. There was a champagne tower. David’s probably spewing he missed out on being a Plus One at the party. He relished the role of handbag-holder.
It’s a clear message to Plus Ones across the city: You’re all disposable. We explored the topic of Plus Ones in this column just weeks ago. There’s a lot that goes into choosing the perfect Plus One – or, as one socialite called them, “patsies”.
“Don’t f**k around with your Plus One,” social media personality Suzan Mutesi said at one event recently.
Noted. Julie Bishop heard the warning loud and clear and she’s certainly not f**king around with her Plus One.
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